


Am I a Monster?

by Stargazer19



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Corrupted Steven Theory, Corrupted Steven Universe, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Songfic, Warning: Brief Contemplation of Suicide Because of Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22353370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargazer19/pseuds/Stargazer19
Summary: Steven never meant to hurt anyone. He was scared. He wanted help. But now, he's made everything worse. They're calling him a monster. Is he?Based on "Monster" from the Frozen Musical. Actual story with lyrics.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 14
Kudos: 144





	Am I a Monster?

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching the animatic “Monster” by Art of Rhues on Youtube when I realized that the song fit really well with the Corrupted Steven Theory. I tried to sleep the thought away, but it wouldn’t leave me alone. I need some practice writing with songs so I figured that I might as well surrender to the urge. Italics are texts or flashbacks, “Italics” is the song, and ‘words’ are thoughts. No one dies or shatters in this story, either.  
> Warning: There is are brief thoughts of suicide because of the lyrics. He doesn't actually go through with it.
> 
> Edited 11/11/20

Heavy breaths permeated the cold night air. Lights flashed in the distance, searching for the cause of the turmoil that disrupted what should've been a peaceful night. A young man found himself running through town, dodging everyone in sight. For tonight, he had made a grievous error. And nothing would ever be the same again.

‘How did this happen? It was an accident!’ Steven didn't even try to quiet his footsteps as he sprinted across the beach. He'd be safe if he could make it home. He had to get to the beach house. As he turned the cliff corner and spotted his safe haven, a white beam flashed into the house. Somebody had warped into the house. Steven's eyes widened in horror. He couldn't let them cut him off. All he had wanted was help. _“It’s finally come, come to knock down my door.”_ Steven quickly ducked behind one of the statue hands that jutted out from the sand. Thank stars, the carved hands were large enough to hide his body from view. The young man tried to quiet his labored breathing. Nothing could prevent his flinch, though, as the door slammed open.

“It’s not here! Spread out! Crazy Legs said she saw it heading this way. We have to poof it!” The order was met with two calls of agreement. Steven could hear steps approaching his hiding place. He held his breath as the light of a flashlight passed over the hand _._ As long as they didn't think to look behind the statue, he'd be okay. The light moved on, and Steven shakily exhaled in relief. He waited another couple of seconds before daring to peek out from his hiding spot. Illuminated by the moonlight, he could see the large cherry quartz scanning the ocean while two rubies walked together further down the beach, towards the boardwalk. This was his chance. He darted behind a nearby boulder and, when the coast was clear, he slipped under his house. The front door was out of the question, but he could float up to his balcony and enter the house from there.

Luckily, he didn’t lock his balcony door when he left earlier. The gems had moved on, and no more beams of light meant it was probably safe to assume no one was inside. Just in case, he quietly entered the house. Steven figured no more gems would warp to his house since they were trying to head him off. He sighed and looked down at his clawed hands. _“I can’t hide this time, like I hid before.”_ Purple splotches ran up the length of his arms. He could feel more generating on his skin as he tried not to panic. He was reminded of that one time in the pink room. His emotions had swirled out of control and made a storm in the room. He was doing it all over again. _“The storm is awake; the danger is real."_ And though he couldn't see it, he knew his teeth had become fanged. It was getting worse. "My _time’s running out.”_ He wished he could stop it from spreading. Checking his gem showed its state of corruption was worsening. He clamped down the urge to vomit. _“Don’t feel. Don’t feel.”_

Steven dug through his drawers. Where was his bag? _There._ He found his old cheeseburger backpack. Normally, he wouldn’t use it, but it was larger than his briefcase. He needed the extra pockets. _“Fear will be your enemy, and death its consequence.”_ As he packed, he remembered the war speech Bismuth gave so long ago. _Back when they were fighting the diamonds to free all gems._ He packed several clothes into the bag before creeping downstairs to the kitchen. The room was quiet. Hopefully, that meant the gems weren’t in their rooms. _“That’s what she once said to me, and it’s starting to make sense.”_ Food. Steven needed food and water. He needed to run. There was no fixing what he had done. _“All this pain, all this fear, began because of me.”_ The young man bit his lip. He didn’t mean to crack her. He never meant to hurt anyone. _“Is the thing they see, the thing I have to be?”_

 _He had been hiding his corruption from the gems for so long. But it finally became too much. There was no way for him to hide the fangs and the tail. He’d gone to Little Homeschool, in the cover of night, in the hopes of meeting up with Peridot. She’d texted that she would be at the forge. He just wanted help_. _She’d been there. With Bismuth and Lapis. They’d been expecting Steven. Of course, a large monster with horns, claws, and a tail scared them. Lapis had rushed him. He never meant to swipe at her. Never meant to send her flying into one of Bismuth’s anvils. Her gem had cracked upon impact._

That was enough food. Steven slung the bag around his shoulders and headed back upstairs to gather some mementos before he left. _“A monster, were they right? Has the dark in me finally come to light?”_

 _Bismuth had charged in a rage. Steven had blocked her ax hand with his tail. He tried to tell her who he was, but she couldn’t hear him. He screamed, begging her to stop, but the resultant outburst had collapsed the forge. He ran before he could see if they were okay. It must’ve been bad since Bismuth’s screech of fury echoed throughout all of Little Homeschool_.

He stuffed several pictures into the bag. His eyes lingered on one of him with Connie. They looked so happy back then. _“Am I a monster, full of rage, nowhere to go but on a rampage? Or am I just a monster in a cage?”_

 _The sound of the collapse brought all the residents of Little Homeschool into the open. They had seen him and panicked. Some tried to take him down when they spotted him, but he’d dodged and clawed his way through the mass of gems. He’d fled to a crescendo of chanting_. _“Get the monster. Poof the creature. Keep your guard up!” Bismuth had screamed. “This isn’t over!” “Get the monster. Poof the creature. Keep your guard up!”_

 _“What do I do?”_ He wiped his tears on the sleeve of his ruined jacket. _“No time for crying now.”_ He plopped onto the bed. _“I’ve started this storm, gotta stop it somehow.”_ He looked at his bag, all packed and ready to go. _“Do I keep on running? How far do I have to go?”_ He could still see the anger in everyone’s eyes. Would they stop if he was gone? If they couldn’t find him? Or would they keep searching? _“And would that take the storm away or only make it grow?”_ His phone chimed.

He had a text from Pearl. _Steven, are you okay? Where are you? You were supposed to meet up with Peridot. Are you in Little Homeschool?_ He turned the phone on silent. No one knew it was him. Of course, they were worried about him. To them, a monster showed up when he was supposed to. Stars, why is everything getting so much worse?

 _“I’m making my world colder. How long can it survive?”_ The heartache at knowing how worried the gems must be aggravated his corruption even more. He could feel himself growing larger, claws growing sharper, his eyes stung. He opened the camera app on his phone and turned it to selfie mode. _His eyes were black with pink scleras_. He threw his phone from him in fear. The corruption was getting worse. Soon he’d be like the other corrupted gems they fought. But he was part diamond! If the others were powerful, how strong would he be?

 _“Is everyone in danger, as long as I’m alive?”_ When his pink powers were acting up, he’d been a danger to everyone around him. He almost hurt Pearl and Volleyball, almost crushed his friends, and every little thing was setting him off. If he corrupted, would he even be able to control himself? He shook his head. It wasn't likely. Corrupted gems had no control of themselves. Their minds were torn, and they no longer knew who or what they were. _“Was I a monster from the start? How did I end up with this frozen heart?”_ The phone vibrated again. He picked it up off the floor. Missed calls from Greg and Connie. Now they were worried too. He clenched his eyes shut as tears streamed down his cheeks. Was running the answer, though? If he fully corrupted on earth, then everyone would be doomed. He couldn’t go to Homeworld either.

Steven stepped out onto the balcony; he could see the lights of Little Homeschool. Hear the voices of gems calling out for him or searching for the monster. More lights were starting to come up the beach. He had to decide now. _“Bringing destruction to the stage. Caught in a war that I never meant to wage.”_ One spin on his heel, and he was pushing open the observatory's door. The room was dark, but the galaxy warp shimmered in the shadows. He stepped onto it and tried to warp to the planet he and Lapis visited before. It was already partially destroyed anyway. He’d be gone, and his family would be safe. But it didn’t work. ‘No...’ Steven's legs felt weak, and he dropped numbly to his knees. He was too far gone. He couldn’t leave. How could he stop himself from hurting them?

Then he saw it. A toolbox, left behind when Bismuth had to fix the house after he brought his cactus to life. It could work. It would save his family. Save his friends. Save his town. _“Do I kill the monster?”_ His phone went off again, so Steven pulled it out. It was from his dad. _Steven, I’m really worried! There’s a monster rampaging through Beach City. Gems are saying it ran towards the temple. Are you okay? Mayor Nanafua has ordered an evacuation of the city. Where are you?_ He smiled weakly. Tears dripped onto the phone screen. _“Father, you know what’s best for me. If I die, will you be free?”_ He opened the tool kit. There, lying in its place, was the hammer. He lifted his shirt. The gem was glowing weakly under the strain of corruption. It'd be for the greater good. But would it be enough? _“Connie, what if after I’m gone, the cold gets colder, and the storm rages on?”_

 _“No!”_ Steven kicked the toolbox aside. He wouldn’t run away again! Running away was what she did. Running away made everything worse. _“I have to stay alive to fix what I’ve done.”_ He left the tools on the floor and stepped out onto the wooden walkway. _“Save the world from myself, and bring back the sun!”_ He hopped onto the roof of his house. He could see the mob of gems closing in on his house. He would not run away. _“If I’m a monster, then it's true. There’s only one thing that’s left for me to do!”_ He pulled his phone out. It was damaged from when he threw it, but hopefully it still worked. Through the cracked screen, he texted his dad. _I’m sorry, dad. I caused all of this. I’m corrupting, but I’m going to fix this. I love you._ Maybe he was corrupting, but he needed to stop the mob. Convice them that it was an accident. It had to be long enough for him to leave some Pink Diamond essence behind so he could be cured. So he wouldn't condemn them to a corrupted diamond. _“But before I fade to white. I’ll do all that I can to make things right.”_ He called out to the gems on the sand. “I’m sorry! I never meant to hurt anyone! I'm not going to hurt you!” The crowd was restless. He could hear their shouts and threats from the roof. He would have to try harder.

He was Steven Universe, savior of the galaxy. _“I cannot be a monster.”_

He would confront his mistakes. _“I will not be a monster!”_

He would fix everything. _“Not tonight!”_

He jumped down from the rooftop, landing in a cloud of sand in front of the army of gems. The angry mob halted in place as he faced them. He froze. He knew he looked nothing like he used to, but he didn’t expect to see the complete lack of recognition in their eyes. He wasn't prepared for the anger directed at him by his family. The Crystal Gems were leading the group, eyes glowing in fury and weapons at the ready. A glint of pink shined in the moonlight, making him shift his focus away from the crystal gems. All words died on the tip of his tongue and his heart turned ice cold in his chest. There was Connie. Her hand-crafted sword drawn and ready. Her glare spoke volumes. His family was ready to face down a monster. The storm of thoughts returned to his mind, becoming tumultuous. Pain exploded all over his body.

“Please! It’s me! Steven Universe! I’m not a monster!” He pleaded. But they didn’t understand. Pain flared through his body. Steven cried out as his limbs burned and something burst out of his cheeks. Through the pain, Steven barely noticed that he was steadily rising above everyone. “No! Please, no! I was going to fix everything! I didn't get to tell you!” Each cry sounded in roars and growls. It was too late.

He became a monster.


End file.
